And so here we are. This is it. This is 40. To be completely honest, I have not been looking forward to this day. I have been dreading this day. And yes, I know the obvious, I should be thankful. I have had friends and family members that did not make it to 40. I am blessed. I have love, faith, family and what more do you need? Only I am human and the obvious is great but leading up to this day, I feel some type of way.
At the peak of the hill (40 years old), everything becomes more frequent. The hair appointments, the doctor appointments, the gym visits, the restroom stops (because of kids or not) all increase in number. At first, the grey hairs, the weird new medical tests and the plateaus at the gym made me feel so blah. And although those feelings are still there most days, there are still so many memories that deserve recognition. I took a long trip down memory lane to help make sense of these feelings.
Childhood and Teens
I had a great childhood. I grew up in Texas (the best state ever). I have a sister and two parents that are still happily married (on most days) that loved and provided for me. School was great and there are no horrible memories. The teens were awkward. I always had this feeling that I was supposed to be different. And here I am…being VERY different all these years later. Even then God was telling me to be patient.
My twenties were everything. College was great. I got married. We traveled. I had 3 careers. We bought a house. I had my first child the last year of that decade. I was married for 5 years before he came along so we lived carefree. I was still figuring out who I wanted to be as an adult. I managed my money effectively. We saved. I set up retirement accounts. I was on the fast track of life and loving it. And then…30.
My thirties did something to me. They were rough. I christened my thirties by having baby #2. There was post partum depression, anxiety and just more depression. Two little ones, an unfulfilling career and a husband that was clueless (poor thing). I started my fourth career and I was searching. I started a blog, I opened and closed three businesses. I was searching so hard for happiness. After a year or so of counseling, moving into a flexible career and taking time to serve my family, I slowly found my whole self with no missing pieces. I do not think I could have even dreamed of knowing my whole self in my twenties so, the thirties were eye-opening. I healed with the help of much prayer, positivity, and a certified therapist.
40 is here and there is no way around it. I do feel as if I have a lot of unfinished business to tend to. I am now a middle aged woman. I have friends that are battling real illnesses. I have lost loved ones just shy of 40. I may not have checked all the boxes on my goal sheet but, I am aware that life is a gift and to be thankful. There is so much love for me to give and even receive. I am on a new journey. God is clearly not done with me yet and I will embrace that. There is so much more to do and explore and I just need to do it. I do know the 40 year old Dee Dee is better than the 20 or 30 year old Dee Dee. This much I know for sure, I know who I am, what I believe, what I like and dislike, where I want to go and what I want to achieve. The greatest part of it all is that by clearly knowing myself at 40, the hustle and bustle to be me is that much easier. I have taken all the guess work out of figuring it all out. Aging is a gift and I am now ready to unwrap my gift layer by layer.
If there is one thing this journey has taught me, it is to be grateful, have faith, keep learning, keep reflecting, keep growing, love your people, love yourself, find your joy and hold on to it. So here’s to #FortyAF and #LivingMyBestLife…
Hugs and love,
What was turning 40 like for you? Did you feel some type of way? Please leave a comment below and share. I’d love to hear all about it.
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